Got Fired?

I don't know what i'm doing this week. I mess up everything because i'm so depressed of what my supervisor told me about my thesis. So i spend this week by sleeping hours in my room. i cancel some of my teaching jobs, and i don't know maybe i will get fired because of that.

I know, my thesis is not the end of the world

but,,,you know, i'm tired of trying. it's like nothing works. i know i should try and try and have the spirit and make it happens, yay! but I DON'T. I don't have the spirit right now.

wew..it sucks. i just wanna work, i mean the real work, the real office, the real jobs, the real salary AGAIN. But i know if i do that, i'll be more not focus on my thesis, so, i'm confused now.

anyway, the good news is,,,

my babe is having good job now, good salary i think, and he said he will save for US and he trust me to have his saving, i mean to manage that, because he said "that's for US, babe"

yay,,,i'm so glad because now he start to think about us, our future, our marriage, even our children.That sound so lovely and i'm so proud of him being grow up. i love u babe..

but he ask me something i can't give, maybe he mad at me because of that, but he said "i won't force u to give me what i want, but don't blame me when i ask from another girl."

what?? it's still force me right? psychologically...:( 

That's make me sad, if he can't keep my trust, he ask another girl for 'that', it means he is cheating on me. So i'm getting more confused now. I understand, maybe it's because he is a man, and a man needs 'that'. But i can't give that before we married. Is he still good man?

Bad News

I'm crying now,,,

i don't know why i have bad news for the last days,
first, i have fight with him again, the same problem, i feel that he doesn't have time, he doesn't wanna pay attention on me, he doesn't exist when i need him. Then i tell him that maybe it's better that i'm leaving. I don't know, whether it's the good decision or not. I'm so sad because of that.

Second one is my supervisor give a really surprised revision to my thesis. He said that i will have obstacles  if i continue using the model that i have proposed. He told me to replace with another simple model or i have to focus on 1 thing so it won't be so complex.
How i should start again? I thought that the model will be approved then i can continue to the next step. How far will i be left behind by my friends? I...i just....i can't think about it anymore.,,

i feel dumped right now,
i mean i don't know what i have to do again to my babe and my thesis. why is it happened in the same time? i  just wanna cry now, cry, i'm so PANIC. Oh, MY GOD,,,,
what is happening to my life?

Keep Up

Tada!!! :D

I'm excited and happy,,,

Because, my supervisor has told me to make instrument for my research, i'm so thankful for that. My imagination is running wild, let's say everything is going smoothly, i make the instruments, i do my research, i analyze the data, i have schedule to present my thesis, and yay!! I graduate. What i'm gonna do next, will i move to another city for job, or just find the job here,,,,all of those make me wanna jump :D

I mean, i don't even care if i and my babe have a fight, this graduation thing is the king in my mind NOW.

Yeah,,,let's just do the best for everything that we want to gain and let's be focus for that, i believe we will step on finish line on time. Keep the spirit up! :)

Jealousy

I'm jealous, yup! Absolutely! 100% jealous

Aku melihat ada teman-temanku yang sudah mengepost foto wedding atau prewedding mereka di Facebook, seperti wedding dan prewedding yang aku inginkan.

Aku juga melihat ada yang sudah mengepost foto mereka di Korea, Amerika, Jepang atau negara lain, semua tempat yang ingin aku datangi.

Aku juga melihat ada yang begitu mesra dengan pacarnya di facebook timeline mereka.

Aku melihat juga ada yang sudah wisuda dan mendapat gelar sarjan ataupun master mereka.

Aku melihat ada yang begitu menikmati hidupnya meskipun tidak kemana-mana dan mereka begitu menikmati pekerjaan yang mereka punya sekarang.

Aku melihat ada yang mengepost foto-foto keluarga ataupun bayi-bayi mereka.

Intinya, aku ingin semua itu juga terjadi padaku, tapi pada kenyataannya hal itu BELUM terjadi padaku. Ada perbedaan antara TIDAK terjadi dan BELUM terjadi. Dan itu BELUM terjadi padaku.

Guys, bukan aku tidak bersyukur atas hidup yang aku miliki sekarang. Maksudku, aku juga bangga bisa kuliah dan sekarang sedang mengerjakan tesis untuk gelar masterku, aku juga punya pacar meskipun long distance dan jarang ketemu (sebenarnya tidak terasa seperti pacaran), aku juga punya orang tua dan sodara yang tidak pernah tidak baik padaku (kadang-kadang sodaraku memang bisa menyebalkan, tapi dia pada dasarnya baik), aku juga bisa berdiri sendiri tanpa teman-teman yang dulu kukira sahabat (aku pernah cerita tentang ini sebelumnya). Maksudku, aku bersyukur, aku juga bangga akan hal itu.

Tapi memikirkan semua yang teman-temanku sudah punya dan dipamerkan di facebook, aku merasa jealous. Aku sedikit iri dengan itu. Apa itu hal yang wajar? 

Aku juga tidak tahu, tapi kadang-kadang itu bisa aku pikirkan berjam-jam. Seperti aku malah membayangkan, bagaimana jika aku sekarang di Korea, bagaimana aku merencanakan preweddingku, siapa yang akan jadi fotograferku, apakah cukup sodaraku saja, karena dia sekarang belajar sedikit fotografi di kampus, hal-hal seperti itu.

Aku tidak tahu :) Mungkin itu hal yang wajar, mungkin juga tidak.

O, iya dan malam ini aku menyewa 3 film, Cabin in The Wood, Hitman, dan Skyfall. Aku menonton Cabin in The Wood dan yeah, itu mengerikan tapi aku tidak begitu suka endingnya. Jadi aku mencoba memutar hitman, but it doesn't work. Begitupun dengan Skyfall. It sucks. Berpikir bahwa aku akan tidur dengan bayangan ending yang tidak memuaskan dari cabin in the wood. wew -,-

Drama Queen

I don't know is it my feeling or our communication is getting worse these days?

Jadi tadi malam aku telepon kamu Beb, dan karena kamu mengeluh terus tentang suara brisik, dan aku juga udah kesel aku bilang "matiin aja"

Terus kamu langsung matiin, dan aku mulai kirim sms tentang how bad is our communication, are you getting bored with me, dan juga bilang gak seharusnya kamu kayak gitu.

Am I a drama queen?

And this morning i text you, are you mad?

You: I'm not mad. I just don't like you send me rubbish messages after i closed the phone. That makes me lazy to talk to you

Me: oh

You: why? don't like that?

Me: It's ok. Those are rubbish. Sorry

You: Why are girls smart enough to make people feel guilty?

Me: You're not, so don't feel guilty about this

Me: Next time, there won't be any rubbish from me in your phone. love u

And that's it, end of conversation.