Broke Up

Fight #2

This morning at 7.08 a.m i called you,
was it just my feeling or my phone was broken or my voice was low because i just got up or your phone that got broken or you just wanna start another fight...?

You said that " if you are still sleepy, don't call me, your voice is very low and i can hear you" with a high tone. I repeat what i've said many times and also increase my tone, ask you why you didn't call or answer my phone last night. You said " I GOT ILL, I THROW UP, AND I SLEEP. HAPPY???"

WHAT??? I ask you politely and i just wanna know, why suddenly you get mad like that. Okay maybe you are sick, but you don't have to talk to me like that.

You WERE not like that, why now?
Is it because i call you everyday, text you everyday, but i just do it normally. I don't call you or text you every second, i just do it once or twice a day. Is it too much the way i treat you? Because i don't see it.

Whatever

Friendship is just another shit

So, okay...

I have a best friend, actually i used to have a best friend, very best friend, let's say her name is Erica,,,i can't say her real name, but all i write here is fact.

So this girl, i have written about her actually in my postings before, maybe i call her ER or something. This girl was a best friend for me before he met her boyfriend which is younger than her, let's call him Mike. It's almost 3 years that they have a relationship, and that relationship has taken my best friend. She always be busy with Mike and doesn't have time for me or even her sisters or other friends. Her life is just Mike. Of course, it doesn't include when they are fighting, she always comes back to us, i mean to me and her two sisters.

So, she is like living with Mike already, sleep in his dorm and you know live there. First, it really disturb me, she doesn't like live like that. She respect herself by always be "expensive" to her boyfriends before. She doesn't like sleeping around in her boyfriend's place before.  She was very mature in the way she think about everything. However, it has changed and i don't like that.

After a long time she always be like that, i decided not to care any more. I have tried to talk about how she has changed but she got mad at me. So i choose to shut my mouth up and live my own life even though sometimes we still hang out, but it's very rarely.

And today, actually this is not her fault. The story is like this. Last night i texted her "if you wanna go churching in the morning at 7 or 9, and you are not with Mike, please let me join, because i need a ride. We can go together"

And she replied "okay, but i'm not sure i can make it at 7 or 9 because my job will be finished about 2 a.m so maybe Mike will pick me up in the early morning and i will be very tired."

Okay, so i thought she will go curching in the afternoon at 5 pm. I got myself ready before 5 and i texted her "hi, maybe we can meet in the church, i will wait for you there." That was because she was in Mike's dorm and i was in my own dorm.

But she replied "hi, sorry, i have tried to text you in the morning but my load was out. Actually, Mike picked me up at 7 this morning, so we straightly went to church. So sorry..."

I don't know why i don't like that and i just reply "O, Okay,,,"

Sometimes, what you think that friend or even bestfriend are everything, they are just nothing because of their   boyfriend or girlfriend. I tried everything for them before, but now, i don't give a fuck too, like what they always do to me before or now.

Not Bad

Umm, this Saturday i keep my self save in ny comfy room,,,
as usual, i'm alone in my boarding house again, for my lovely cutest boyfriend in another town and it takes me about 8 hours to get him,
so...here i am, enjoying the day and night by watching some movies and texting him

Um, by the way, after we had a big fight maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago, i didn't really remember but, it was around 1st January or something, we broke up, and he offered me 2 option so we could back together again because that was my fault that we broke up, and he thought that he had to punish me with those two options.

But i didn't wanna do both of them, yeah, for the first i chose 1, but finally i decided not to choose both of them, because i thought that if he really loved me and wanted to be with me, he will give me a chance anyway. I said that "i wanna start all over the things new, and i really apologize for my mistake"
Then we had a long fight for several days before finally you decided to give me a chance for free without involved those options that didn't make sense.

And,,,here we are,,again start the new relationship again. I promise i will control my bad temper. May God bless me. :)

Because i really love u and wanna be with u...

Stuck

Aku terjebak dalam perangkap waktu, oleh cinta dan hidupku, kamu yang aku pertahankan untuk hidupku pergi begitu saja meninggalkan aku,
Aku yang dikejar waktu untuk mengejar gelar dan juga masa depanku, 26 tahun hidup dan aku belum menghasilkan apapun yang membanggakan orangtuaku, sedikitpun tidak

Aku merencanakan gelarku dan kamu untuk aku berikan tahun ini, tapi semua itu rencana dan aku masih tidak mengerti kenapa Tuhan membiarkan kita berpisah begitu saja setelah 3 tahun yang kita alami bersama, setelah semakin dekat aku bisa mewujudkan rencanaku..

Apa aku terkesan menyalahkan Tuhan? Aku bukan menyalahkan aku hanya mempertanyakan dan minta Dia memberi kekuatan dan segala keyakinan, setidaknya aku bisa mendapat gelarku meskipun kamu tidak bisa aku dapat. Setidaknya aku bisa memberikan satu hal kebanggaan untuk orang yang melahirkan aku, dan juga untuk hidupku sendiri.