Love? Life?

Life is such a rubbish. How can you be with someone who you love the most but he don't do the same things and never stand for you, even he never defend you. But you love him and never wanna stop doing that. You wanna be with him all your life. You wanna spend your old ages with him beside you, grab his hand while sitting on the bench near the pond watching some swans swimming till sunset comes.

Maybe it's not life, maybe that is love. I don't know maybe love is just stupid feeling. When you know that there's something wrong in your relationship and love makes you thinks that everything is just fine and normal. When he hurt you for example, you even apologize for him for his mistakes and it's just because you don't wanna he leave. It's like you can't stand and walk on your own feet while the fact is you always walking on your own feet, on your own step because he never been there even though he is with you.

Or maybe it's not love either. Maybe it's just loneliness. You just wanna be with someone so you will be warm along the winter, there are someone's fingers between your palms. You just don't wanna sit alone drinking your morning coffee in the kitchen before going to work. You just don't wanna be single when you have to attend your friend's wedding. You just don't wanna be alone in your room watching movies and eating popcorn when it's raining weekend, you want someone to be next to you so you can hug him when the thunders hit the sky loudly and shake your window.

Or whatever it is, this kind of someone will leave you or you have to leave him anyway. You or he will realize that all things are just forced and make tired of both of you. You both has to swallow the bitter fact that the relationship should be ended. It can be a sweet goodbye or hard and rough quarelling. However, both ways are gonna be onions for your eyes and create painful tears. Maybe after that, you will loose you life, it is like you have nothing to live for. You just wanna be in your room crying and crying. You don't wanna meet the sun. And I know how that feeling is. I know it very well.